“…There’s No Way To Conceive The Right Plans In My Head… …I Just Can’t Hold Them Down…” ((“6AM” by FITZ And THE TANTRUMS))

Fitz_and_The_Tantrums_2013 (via Wikipedia)

“…All My Hopes

They Stay Curled In-Between These Four Walls

And I Cant Shake Them Out…”

“…Its 6 In The Morning

Im Still Awake

My Sleepless Heart Is Torn-Up, Babe

Our Love Songs On The Radio

But These Words I Hear

Theyre Not For Me

No

6 In The Morning

Im Still Awake

My Sleepless Heart Is Torn-Up, Babe

Our Love Songs On The Radio

But These Words I Hear

Theyre Not For Me

No…”

“…Im Tryin To Keep Up

TryinTo Move On

Beyond This Pain

Before I Break. …”

More_Than_Just_A_Dream (via Wikipedia)

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Well, Kiddies, this song…

6AM

by FITZ And THE TANTRUMS

…has very quickly become my new favorite jam of the past year.

I’ve been a huge fan of FITZ And THE TANTRUMS for the past couple of years…

…and coming-up very soon I’ll be seeing them LIVE in concert!!!

They’ll be playing THE PAGEANT in good ole St. Louis, MO.

I’ve already got my tickets ordered, and am just waiting for them to arrive in the mail.

I’m very Very VERY EXCITED, to say the very Very VERY LEAST!

:D

This album…

MORE THAN JUST A DREAM

…is just as good, if not better, than their previous work.

And this song…

6AM

…is by far Far FAR MY Favorite!!!

I do hope y’all enjoy hearing it.

If you do, let me know.

If you don’t, let me know.

If you’re indifferent?

Hmm.

Eh, sure, let me know.

;)

I know I don’t put-out a ton of original work anymore, but I’ve been so highly addicted to this jam I just had Had HAD to share it with you, My Peeps!

Y’all take care.

Be Good…

…OR…

…Be Good At It.

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About these ads

Well, I know it has been a long long while…

…But I sincerely felt the need to do-up a quick post for y’all.

You see, I got to spend tonight conversing with a close friend.

It had been forever and a day since we’d spent any time together, and the conversation was exceptionally enlightening.

We talked about this and that, and it was all very helpful to me.

Eventually, the conversation turned to life, love, and relationships.

He bluntly stated that I sincerely need to make-my-move on my best friend.

We’ve been the best of friends for quite some time, and it’s no secret at all that I’ve been madly in-love with him for the past two years.

It’s an odd situation, to say the least.

Honestly, I would have made my move a long while ago, but I just haven’t felt like the timing was proper.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want him.

Yes, I’d give anything to make him mine Mine MINE.

The biggest reason I haven’t made said move is because I don’t sincerely believe he would say “YES!” to my proposal.

I know it’s odd for a man to be madly in-love with his best friend, but it’s a situation I simply cannot escape.

Soooooo…

…what do I do???

He knows I love him.

He knows I care about him above all others.

He knows I’d marry him at the drop of a hat.

Sadly, I think that’s why nothing has progressed between us.

There’s no challenge.

There’s no mystery.

There’s simply He and I.

The thing is, not much would honestly change between us if we did become an exclusive item.

I just don’t know what to do, kiddies.

I’m happy.

I’m comfortable.

But, alas, I want MORE.

Period.

So, again, what does one do???

How do you tell the person you consider your closest companion that you would be even happier and more contented if he would simply marry you???

His family is in my corner.

Our friends are in my corner.

Everyone of any importance in our worlds seem to feel that we would be the ideal couple.

I totally agree.

The thing is, I don’t think he does.

That’s what’s most difficult.

If he would only say “YES!” to my advances, I’m sure life would grow by leaps and bounds.

I am a man in-lust.

I am a man in-love.

I am a man who wants what he wants, and I’m getting sick and tired of feeling unwanted and under-appreciated.

So, again, I ask “WHAT DO I DO???”

Do I throw caution to the wind and simply go for it?

Or, should I simply be contented with things as they are?

I know, I know…

…I’ve written about this same subject many a time, but the issue continues to plague me.

Am I happy? YES.

Could I be much much happier? YES YES.

And, would I give a year of my life to simply know the answer to the question that continues to haunt my day to day existence? YES YES YES.

It makes me feel pathetic at times, but I don’t rightly care.

I want what I want.

And all I want is HIM.

Period. Period. Period.

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“I’m Not Going Down On My Knees, Begging You To Adore Me…”

“…Can’t You See It’s Misery, And Torture For Me?

When I’m Misunderstood…

…Try As Hard As You Can…

…I’ve Tried As Hard As I Could…

…To Make You See…

…How Important It Is For Me.”

Shake The Disease (via Amazon.com)“Here Is A Plea…

…From My Heart To You…

…Nobody Knows Me…

…As Well As You Do…

…You Know How Hard It Is For Me…

…To SHAKE THE DISEASE

…That Takes Hold Of My Tongue In Situations Like These.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me. …”

… … … … … … …

… … … … …

… … …

I’ve had this song…

SHAKE THE DISEASE

by DEPECHE MODE

…on my mind for a few days, now.

It’s a song I’ve known, seemingly, forever.

And, yet, it has been locked inside my brain-case, rolling around over and over again.

It’s a song that says a helluva lot, especially to me.

Especially right now.

You see, I’m still dealing with the most common issue I’ve discussed with y’all many times over…

…LOVE.

Or, well, a lack-there-of.

I still find myself fighting a personal battle with myself over the whole idea of Love, Loving, Being In-Love, and Being In-Love with someone I probably shouldn’t be In-Love with at all.

It’s just life, I know that.

It’s just a normal thing, right?

Riiiiiiight???

Hmm.

I just feel this song says exactly what I NEED it to say.

Exactly what I WANT to say, but can’t.

I remain a man lost in the throws of love and passion.

Time continues to pass me by, and yet my feelings remain the same.

I’m still In-Love.

I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to fight what seems to be a losing battle.

No one loses all the time.

There are always some elated moments of bliss.

Those moments when you’re very Very VERY sure everything is working-out and going your way.

They’re very few and far between, but they’re there.

They do exist.

I know they do, as I experience them.

And I relish in them.

But, it’s simply getting harder and harder to truly feel as though everything really is going to work-out.

I want it to.

I want nothing more than that.

I just don’t know if it’s really going to happen.

:\

I went to bed last night with this song blaring in my mind.

I awoke this morning, and my first thought, again, was this song.

I knew the only way to get it out of my head was to write something about it.

To get it out of me and onto this screen.

And, so, here I am.

Writing about this to all of you.

Not knowing what I really want/need to be saying.

Just knowing that I MUST MUST MUST say something.

Period.

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“My Trials and Tribulations with Dreaming”

Having a bad Reality, at times, is one thing.
Having bad Dreams all night about said bad Reality???
O M F G it S U C K S.
The one place I hope to escape to…
…continues to be one more place I can’t really get to.
I really was a much happier person when I could go to sleep and it was like stepping off into the blackness of space (((because I’d be in such a deep deep sleep))).
Now, it’s like falling off of a cliff into a world of twisted and fucked half-memories.

I try to change my current Reality, in the hopes of bettering my future Reality.
But, when it comes to past Reality, I’m helpless.
We all are, I know that.
So…
…I guess I really need to learn how to change my Dreams.
Riiiiiiiiiiight?

Mkay.

Sooo…

HOW DOES ONE DO THAT???

At moments like this, I truly envy people like My Father.

He always told me he rarely, if ever, remembers his Dreams.

I remember the bulk of mine.

And mine are rarely, if ever, pleasant.

Even those with pleasant moments are often still bad Bad BAD Dreams.

It really is ALMOST enough to push a person tooooooooooooooooo far, sometimes.

Sleep is supposed to be restful, riiiiight?

You’re not supposed to feel worse when you awaken of a morning, correct??

And, YES, I’ve had sleep-studies done.

Nothing wrong with my breathing, nor anything else they could honestly measure.

I’ve talked to ((literally)) dozens of shrinks in my lifetime.

I’ve taken every medication they can think of to sling in my direction.

And, yet, here I sit.

Typing this.

Telling you, My Peeps, instead of yet another doctor that doesn’t seem to understand a goddamn thing about Me, nor My Situation.

I don’t want a lot of My Memories.

I don’t want a lot of My Reality.

But, MOST OF ALL, I don’t want to keep having these Dreams.

I accept My Memories.

I accept some of My Reality.

But, I do NOT accept that My “Dreamland” must be tainted.

I can’t accept that.

I won’t accept that.

Period.

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Bradley Alan, this is Brad…

You really Really REALLY need to shut-down that lovely brain of yours.

Youre really Really REALLY driving me crazier than I thought possible.

There is way Way WAY tooooooo much going on in here right now.

Im getting tired.

Arent you???

Please???

-ME/YOU

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Later Nights… …Earlier Mornings: An Insomniac’s Tale of Life and Love

I’m not altogether sure where this is going to go…

…BUT…

…I am sure it’s going to go somewhere.

So stick with me, please?

Thanks!

… … …

.. ..

.

Have you ever been torn, My Peeps?

Wow.

Wait.

Okay, I do realize that can be taken sooooo many ways…

(((many of them dirty dirty)))

…so I’ll do my best to clarify.

Have you ever been torn by LOVE?

Knowing you want to be with someone, but knowing you really enjoy the person you’re with at that moment?

Well…

…it has happened to me.

It has happened multiple times, honest.

As far back as I could remember, I was generally with one person while already having wanted, and still wanting, to be with a certain someone else.

I get with someone because they’re very special to me, but all the while I have someone else on the front of my brain.

Someone else whom I already love/want/need/require.

Someone else whom I know I probably can never, and will never, truly call “MINE.”

And, no matter how wonderful things might become with the one person, you still yearn for the certain someone else.

Knowing/Hoping/Feeling/Thinking things WOULD be better if you were truly with the someone else.

It’s crazy, I know.

But, I also believe it to be human nature.

Right?

I mean, it is, right?

“The Grass Is Always Greener Somewhere F*ckin’ Else, And All That Jazz!”

That’s how that goes, riiiiiiight?

Hmm.

Moving On.

Until last night, I truly was torn.

Torn between the lover I once had, whom is now an exceptionally close friend…

…and the man I’ve loved for over a year, whom isn’t mine in any way except in the ways that should truly truly matter.

I’ve been torn, because I can’t spend all the time with the both of them that I’d really like.

And, honestly, it had become harder to juggle.

Last night, however, I had a long talk with the now friend (former lover).

We discussed so much, it was amazing.

He’s not the easiest to speak to at times when the conversation is of a personal nature such as this one was.

But, last night, he was jovial.

He was kind.

He was insightful.

He was respectful.

And he flat-out told me that he felt things would be better for ME if I really did spend more time with the someone else.

He’s not dismissing me.

We’re still going to see each other a lot.

But, now, I truly have the freedom to spend all the time with the someone else whenever I choose.

I won’t have to dance around and be pissy because I have to cancel on one to see the other.

My friend wishes me to explore things with the someone else, knowing now how I truly feel.

Thing is, all of this took place around MIDNIGHT.

And it didn’t end there.

My friend and I stayed up talking for hours and hours, and it was a truly grand experience.

We watched some “BATTLESTAR GALACTICA” and some “STAR TREK: TNG”…

…and then we watched “DARKMAN” on the Blu-ray.

By 3:30am, I was texting with the someone else.

And things couldn’t be better, at least in regard to all of the before mentioned.

We’re cool.

We’re all cool.

So, for the first time in a long time, the tension I’ve felt has lifted.

I feel amazingly contented and relaxed.

I’m happy.

Happy to know I didn’t lose a good friend.

Happy to know I didn’t lose the man I love.

Happy to know things are working out exactly as I had hoped, instead of how I had sadly expected.

Expectations can be a major High, or a major Low Low Low.

I was in the midst of a Low Low Low mindset toward my Expectations.

Instead, I was surprised with the elation of everything working out as I’d truly hoped hoped hoped they would.

Amazing.

I finally went to sleep around 5:30am…

…and was awake and writing this by 7:30am.

I know good moods aren’t forever.

They don’t last.

They can’t last.

Not really real ones.

But, for now, I’m into a really good mood mindset.

And I’m really hoping it’s able to perpetuate for a while.

That would be very nice.

I could use more good days.

This is the first time in a long long long time my not being able to sleep has led to something positive.

Insomnia almost always sucks ass.

Last night, it was an asset.

Go figure, eh?

Yeah.

Go figure.

;)

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Thinking Aloud: Life Sure Is An Odd Duck, Ain’t It.

Well, Ain’t It?

Sure It Is.

My Life Has Always Been Of The Odder(er) Sort.

I’m The Guy That Everything Just Happened To.

If Something Bad Was Possible, I Took The Brunt.

If Something Good Was Possible, Chances Are It Eventually Did Happen In Some Small Way.

If Something In-Between Was Possible, Chances Are I Got The Far-Far-Far-Worse Side Of It.

But, I’m Not Really In The Mood To Complain.

I’m More Of A Mind To Quickly Say “THANK YOU” To You, My Peeps.

I Have My Reasons For Saying “THANK YOU” To You, And I Know I’ll Be Talking About Them More And More As Time Rolls Onward.

But, For Now, For This Moment, I’m Just A Thankful Man.

A Lot Of People Have Tried, And Have Done Their Bestest(est) To Help Carry Me Through These Past Few Years.

As Of Late Monday Afternoon, I Was Informed That A Longstanding Battle I’ve Been Fighting Has Finally Been Resolved.

It Has Been Resolved In MY Favor.

I Won.

My Life Of Hell And Bullshit And Sickness And Poor-Health And More And More Sickness, And Pain, And Suffering, And Blah Blah Blah, And Yakity Schmakity, Has Finally Paid-Off.

At Least, In Regard To This ONE Little Victory.

However, It Makes Me Feel Best Because FINALLY Someone Took Notice That Was In A Position To Do Something About It.

And, They Sided In My Favor.

I’m Elated,

I Feel An Enormous Sense Of Relief.

The 18,000lbs Elephant, With The 800lbs Gorilla Riding Said Elephant, Feel Lifted From Me.

Now I Just Need To Get This Pesky Monkey Off My Damned Back…

…And Perhaps This Chip Off Of My Shoulder…

…Oh, And The Thorn In My Side…

…Uh…

…Yeah…

…Nevermind.

But, Yes, “THANK YOU” Again, Everyone.

Now, Maybe Life Really Can Start Again.

Or, Hopefully, Continue Just Improving And Improving, Bit By Bit.

That Would Be Most Acceptable.

;)     :D     :)

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“Wise Men Say… …Only Fools Rush In…” ((“CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE” by ELVIS PRESLEY (1961)))

Elvis_-_Rock_a_Hula (via Wikipedia)

“…But, I Can’t Help…

…Falling In Love With You…”

“…Shall I Stay?…

…Would It Be A Sin?…

…If I Can’t Help…

…Falling In Love With You?…”

“…Like A River Flows…

…Surely To The Sea…

…Darling, So It Goes…

…Some Things Are Meant To Be…”

“…Take My Hand…

…Take My Whole Life, Too…

…For I Can’t Help…

…Falling In Love With You. …”

ElvisPresleyAlohafromHawaii (via Wikipedia)… … … … … … …

So, Yeah, I’ve Been On A Bit Of An ELVIS Kick, Recently.

I Mean, Can You Really Blame Me?

The Man Was A Master Of His Craft, Fo SHO.

His Music Never Fails To Make Me Smile…

…And, Sometimes, That’s Really All I’m Looking For In Some Quality Tunage.

This Particular Song…

CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE

…Is A Prime-Cut-Example Of Said Quality Tunage.

This Was Actually One Of The Very First ELVIS Songs I’d Ever Heard, And It Has Continued To Be A Personal Favorite Since Early Childhood.

To My Friends, I Was Always A Bit Weird In This Regard.

While They Were Busy Listening To The Jams Of The Day…

…The Current Top 40, And So On…

…I Was Busy Listening To The Songs Of My Parent’s Youth.

While Most Rebelled And Shied Away From Their Parents Music…

…I Embraced It.

This Song Has Been Stuck In My Head For A Little While Now…

…And Y’all Know How I Operate.

When Something Is Locked Into My Brain, I Have But One True Outlet:

I Blog About It.

I Honestly Don’t Have A Ton To Say About This Little Number…

…Aside From How Brilliantly Beautiful It Truly Is.

It’s A Song That Sincerely Will Stick With You, As It Has With Me My Entire Life.

It Is, By Far, One Of The Most Wonderfully Simple Songs Ever To Spring Forth From The World That Is ELVIS PRESLEY…

…And It Is A Song I’m Very Happy To Share With Y’all, This Morning.

I Hope You Do Enjoy It, My Peeps.

Perhaps You Won’t Love It As Much As I Do…

…But, It’s Very Hard To Scoff At.

A True-Blue-Classic If Ever There Was One.

Take Care, And Be Good, My Peeps.

Much Love To You All.

I’m Sure We’ll Have Much More To Discuss As The Year Rolls On…

…But, I Just Had To Share This One With You.

ENJOY, My Peeps, ENJOY!!!

:D

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Ending The Summer Of Life-Support With An Amazing Song: DEPECHE MODE’s Cover Of “SO CRUEL” !!!

We Crossed The Line

Who Pushed Who Over?

It Doesnt Matter To You

It Matters To Me.

Were Cut Adrift

Were Still Floating.

Im Only HanginOn

To Watch You Go Down

My Love.

I Disappeared In You

You Disappeared From Me.

I Gave You Everything You Ever Wanted

It Wasnt What You Wanted.

The Men Who Love You

You Hate The Most.

They Pass Right Through You

Like A Ghost.

They Look For You

But Your Spirits In The Air.

Baby, Youre Nowhere.

Oh Ooo Oh

Love, You Say In Love Their Are No Rules.

Oh Ooo Oh

Sweetheart, Youre SO CRUEL. …”

DEPECHE MODE

Alright, My  Peeps, I Totally Admit I’ve Never Been The Biggest Fan Of Cover-Songs.

Occasionally, However, One Will Pop-Up.

Those Rare Few Are Generally Versions I End-Up Enjoying Much More Than The Original.

It, Honestly, Doesn’t Happen Often At All.

But, In Regard To This Particular Song…

SO CRUEL

…I Prefer This Version 10-Fold Over The Original.

Perhaps My Love Of All Things DEPECHE MODE Has Clouded My Judgment?

Nah.

I Don’t Think So.

;)

As I’ve Said…

…This Has Been The Summer Of “Life-Support” For “You Jivin’ Me, Turkey?”…

…And That Is Now Coming To An End.

It Has Been A Wonderful/Horrid Summer…

…Loaded With Tons Of UPS And DOWNS.

I Haven’t Been Working Very Much On The Blog, Aside Of Putting Pen-To-Paper And Writing-Out Some Ideas For Things To Work On.

And Now, As Of This Morning, I Feel Like I’m Ready To Start Getting Back Into The Swing Of Things.

I Hope The Summer Months Have Treated Y’all Very Well, My Peeps.

And, I Sincerely Hope You’re Ready For Me To Get Back To Work.

I May Be A Tad Rusty…

…But I’m Sure I’ll Be Able To Manage Just Fine.

No Worries, Kiddies.

No Worries.

:)

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