Defeated… …AGAIN!

Why Me?!

:(

I Don’t Honestly Know Any Other Way To Say It, My Peeps.

I’ve Tried.

But, In The End, I Continue To Come back To Those Two Simple…

…Personally Scathing…

…Personally Crushing Words…

Why Me?!

:(          :(

Why Say “Why Me?!” You Ask???

I Don’t Actually Have An Answer For You.

Not A Good Answer, Anyway.

I Know We Haven’t Talked Much Of Late, But I’m Sure You’ve Already Noticed That.

My “Good Cheer”?!

It’s Gone.

I’m Back Down, Again.

I’m Discovering That My Emotions Are Rather Fragile.

More Fragile Than Even I Had Ever Realized.

Like, Ever Ever.

That’s Probably Because I’ve Spent The Bulk Of My Life Suppressing Them.

As I Slowly Let Them Out, I’m Forced To Realize More And More Why I Had Always Shielded Myself From Them.

To Be Perfectly Honest…

…I Sincerely SUCK At Managing Them.

Period.

I Will Say This, My Peeps…

…I’d Hand-Written A Very Loooooong-Winded Rant About What’s Been Happening Of Late…

…But, Now, I Sincerely Don’t Want To Discuss It All Right Here.

I Made A Promise Not To Write About My Current Love Life…

…Or LACK-THERE-OF…

…And I Was Honestly About To Break That Promise.

Then, Well, I Actually Took The Time To Think It All Over.

Just Know That Things Are No Longer “Going My Way” And It Has Been Quite Depressing.

I Know Things Will Never ALWAYS Go My Way, But In This Instance It Really Did Just Crack Me Over The Skull And Then Laugh At Me.

Have I Learned Anything From My Life’s Recent Events???

Yes.

Yes, I Have.

  • –>1.) BE VERY VERY CAREFUL WHOM YOU TRUST!<–

  • –>2.) IF SOMETHING FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE HONEST AND TRUE, IT IS!<–

  • –>3.) I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BOTH OF THOSE LESSONS BY NOW, I JUST APPARENTLY HAD FORGOTTEN THEM… …AGAIN!<–

:(          :(          :(

Just Do Me A Solid, My Peeps, And Don’t Worry About Me.

I Know I’ll Rebound Again.

It’s Like The Famous Quotation…

We Are Healed Of A Suffering ONLY By Experiencing It To The Full.”

MARCEL PROUST

He Was A Rather Smart Man, Wouldn’t You Say?!

Yeah.

I Wholeheartedly Agree, My Peeps.

Totally.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

About these ads

“Errors, Or Caprices Of The Temper, Can Be Pardoned AND Forgotten…”

“…But, A Cold, Deliberate Crime Of The Heart Is NOT To Be Washed Away.”

THOMAS PAINE

Thomas Paine (via articles.philly.com)

-={1737-1809}=-

((PHILOSOPHER))

((WRITER))

((AUTHOR))

((PAMPHLETEER))

((REVOLUTIONARY))

((FOUNDING FATHER))

“All Human Wisdom Is Summed Up In Two Words…”

“…WAIT And HOPE.”

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Nadar_-_Alexander_Dumas_père_(1802-1870)_-_Google_Art_Project_2 (via Wikipedia)

-{{{1802-1870}}}-

{WRITER}

{AUTHOR}

{NOVELIST}

{PLAYWRIGHT}

“A Pessimist? …”

“…A Man Who Thinks Everybody As Nasty As Himself, And Hates Them For It.”

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

shaw1 (via invictahumanitas.wordpress.com)

<<|1856-1950|>>

<<<|CRITIC|>>>

<<<|WRITER|>>>

<<<|DRAMATIST|>>>

<<<|JOURNALIST|>>>

“I Am NOT Ashamed To Confess…”

“…That I Am Ignorant Of What I Do Not Know.”

CICERO

((aka MARCUS TULLIUS CICERO))

360px-Cicero_-_Musei_Capitolini (via Wikipedia)

-{{c. 106 B.C. - c. 43 B.C.}}-

{{{ORATOR}}}

{{{STATESMAN}}}

{{{PHILOSOPHER}}}

{{{CONSTITUTIONALIST}}}

{{{POLITICAL-THEORIST}}}

Something To Ponder, My Peeps.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE Once Said…

NO MAN, For Any Considerable Time, Can Wear One Face To Himself And Another To The Multitude Without Finally Getting Bewildered As To Which May Be The True.”

Nathaniel_Hawthorne (via Wikipedia)

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE ((1804-1864))

*** *** ***

Yeah.

Now, Tell Me This Quote Wasn’t Written For Me.

Not For Me Alone, No, But Totally For Me In General.

It Gets Right At The Heart Of What I’ve Been Trying To Talk About The Past Few Days.

We Lie To Ourselves So Much.

We Convince Ourselves We’re Not Good Enough…

…Not Fast Enough…

…Not Strong Enough…

…Not Attractive Enough…

…And We Do So At A Break-Neck-Pace.

Suddenly, A Life That Really Wasn’t So Bad Becomes A Living Hell.

Through No One’s Fault But Our Own, We Do This.

We Beat Ourselves Down.

Down To The Ground.

We Take What Good We Do Have Going For Us, And We Tarnish It.

We Do This All The Time.

The Big Question Is…

…As Always…

WHY?!?!?

Does Anyone Have A Decent Answer?

Anyone??

ANYONE???

I Didn’t Think So.

Honestly…

…I Don’t Have A Decent Answer, Either.

I Wish I Did.

I Sincerely Wish I Did.

There Are Some Whom Believe I Lead A Charmed Existence.

And Then, There Are Some Whom I Couldn’t Give My Life To.

 Some May Think It So Vile.

Some May Think It Amazingly Wonderful.

We’re All Different.

Different Wants.

Different Needs.

Different Tastes.

All Of Us.

You.

Me.

Us.

Again, I Ask WHY?!?

Is This Simply How It Goes?

Is This How Life Goes??

Is This All That I Am???

Is There Nothing More???

I Simply Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Wish I Did, But Know I (likely) Never Will.

Which Face Am I Wearing Now?

Which Face Shall I Wear Later?

Does It Honestly Change With The Entrance Of Each New Person Into Our Day?

Which Face Are They Wearing?

Once You Start Thinking About It, You Can Almost Make Yourself Sick.

I Don’t Like The Thought.

I Don’t Like Having To Even Ponder This At All.

I’m Already Wracked With So Much Self-Doubt.

Now, I Can’t Stop Thinking About ME And Then The “ME” Whom The Rest Of The World Is Allowed To See.

They’re Very Different Creatures, Fo SHO, My Peeps.

I’m Very Guilty Of This.

Sadly…

…I Suspect You Are, Also.

Sooo…

…What Do We Do, Now?

Where Do We Go From Here??

I Suppose We Just Carry-On As We Always Do.

I’ll Be ME

You’ll Be YOU

I’ll Show YouME“…

You’ll Show MeYOU“…

And We’ll All Make Sure We Appear To Be That Which We Are Not.

Such Is Life???

So Goes Life???

Shit.

Now I Have A Headache.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

“FREEDOM Is Nothing Else But A Chance To Be BETTER.” –ALBERT CAMUS

Albert_Camus (via Wikipedia)

-=ALBERT CAMUS=-

[[[1913-1960]]]

{[[WRITER]]}

{[[AUTHOR]]}

{[[JOURNALIST]]}

{[[PHILOSOPHER]]}

{[[NOBEL PRIZE WINNER]]}

A Relevant Quotation That’s Sticking With Me, Today…

…Comes To Us From FYODOR MIKHAYLOVICH DOSTOYEVESKY:

Lying To Ourselves Is MORE Deeply Ingrained Than Lying To Others.”

192px-Vasily_Perov_-_Портрет_Ф.М.Достоевского_-_Google_Art_Project (via Wikipedia)

How’s ’bout Them Apples, My Peeps?

True?

False?

True To Truth?

What?

What Do YOU Think?

To ME…

…This Quote Is Like A MEGA-SCREAM In The Silent Stillness Of The Night.

I’ve Had It Rollin’ ’round My Brain Since Last Night…

…And I’m Still Thinking About It.

WHY?

Because, It’s So True, My Peeps.

It’s So Very VERY True.

Lying To Others Sucks, But It Can Be Even Worse When We Can’t Remember Exactly Which Lie We Told To Which Person.

Lying To One’s Self, However, Is A Totally Different Animal.

You’ve Got Time To Play With It.

To Mull It Over.

To Utter It Over AND Over Again.

Eventually, Correct OR Not…

…Right OR Wrong…

…Lie OR Truth…

…It Sticks.

Once That Happens, You’re Personally Fu*ked.

Once It’s In There, It’s Nearly Impossible To Remove It.

You’ll Remember It All Right.

You’ll Remember It Well.

You’ll Remember It Waaaaaaaay Tooooooooo Well.

Suddenly, The Lie You Told Yourself Has Become Personal Scripture.

It’s A Part Of You, Now.

Part Of Your Mental AND Emotional Make-Up.

Your Chances Of Forgetting About It Just Went To ZERO.

Or, At Least, As Close To ZERO As One Can Muster.

I’ve Lied A Lot In My Life.

I’d Be A Liar If I Didn’t Admit That.

((Huh??? What???))

BUT…

…I Find It Harder, As The Years Pass Me By, To Maintain Those Lies.

I Hate Lying.

It’s Simply A Necessary Evil, Sometimes.

And At Other Times, It’s Simply Used As A Personal Out.

An Escape.

It Also Becomes A Gut Reaction.

A Lot Of Times, We’re Much More Inclined To Lie Than To Even Consider Facing-Up To The Truth.

I Don’t Like It Anymore Than You Do, My Peeps, But You Know I’m Very Correct.

Lying Becomes Second-Nature.

One Lie Perpetuates Another…

…Perpetuates Another…

…Perpetuates Another.

Pretty Soon, You Find You’re Living A Lie.

I Don’t Want That For Myself.

I Don’t Want To Live A Lie.

The Reality Of My Situation, However, Does Make Me Think AND Reflect.

How Much Of My Life Is A Lie?

How Much Isn’t?

Do I Even Know, Anymore?

Do YOU?

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

I Ran Across This Quotation Last Night…

And It Felt Very VERY Relevant To What I’ve Been Doing Of Late.

The Man Who Writes About Himself AND His Own Time Is The Only Man Who Writes About All People AND About All Time.”

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

I May Not See It Exactly As SHAW Had, But I Get The Gist Of What He Was Saying.

I Write About Myself, Mainly, Because I’m What I Know.

A Person MUST Write What They Know, And I’m The One Subject I Know The Best.

Sometimes, I Wish I Didn’t Know Myself So Well.

Sometimes, I Wish I Could Just Turn It All Off.

As Kids, My Brother Had A Standing Order For Xmas Or Birthday Gifts.

He Wanted ARemote Controlled BradleySo He CouldTurn Him Off!!!

:(

I’m Not Even Joking There, My Peeps.

That’s Exactly What He Wanted.

People Have Wanted To Turn Me Off The Bulk Of My Life.

It Comes With The Territory.

It Goes Hand-N-Hand With Mental Illness.

No One Knows How To Fix You

Yet Everyone Wants To.

Even Little Brothers.

So, What Can I Say Toward That?

Honestly, Not Much.

I Do Wish I Had An Off-Switch.

It Would Have Come In Handy Many, Many Times.

But, Alas, I Do Not.

So, Now What?!

Help Me Here, My Peeps.

What’s Up?

What’s The Story?

What’s The Scoop??

What Can I Do???

It’s Just A Bit After 5AM

Yet, Here I Sit…

Talking To Y’all

Wishing I Had More To Honestly Say.

Everything I Want To Say, I Can’t.

Everything I Want To Do, I Can’t.

So, Where Does That Leave Us?

If You Said Right Back Where We Started You’d Be Very Much Correct.

I’m Tired.

I Feel Used-Up.

I Feel Worn-Out.

Maybe I Should Try Going Back To Bed?

Well, I Would If I Knew It Would Be A Positive.

But, It Wouldn’t Be.

It’d Just Be More Of The Same.

Tossing.

Turning.

Blankly-Staring.

I Just Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Sincerely Don’t Know.

I Do Know I Don’t Write For All People

Nor For All Time.

I’m Just Here.

I’m Just Me.

I’m Just Writing What Feels Right.

Even Though, Sometimes, It’s Very VERY Wrong.

I Hate My Brain.

I Hate My Heart.

I Hate Everything About Myself.

Why?

Because, I Don’t Function Properly.

I Can Be The Nicest, Most Charming Person Around.

And, Then, In The Same Breath, I Can Be Malicious.

I Can Be Cruel.

I Can Be Evil.

Life’s Funny That Way, I Suppose.

Is It Funny I Find That Funny?

Is It Wrong?

Is It In Bad-Taste?

I Just Don’t Know.

I Do Know It’s Time To End This Ramble.

I’m Just Not Feeling It.

I Started-Out Shaky On The Subject

And I Remain So.

So, I’ll Just Shut-Up.

Perhaps Later I’ll Be More Able To Convey My Thoughts And Feelings.

Right Now

Both MY MIND And MY HEART Are In A Very Dark Place.

Trying To Work When I’m Like This Is Generally A Bad Thing.

Nothing Good Has Ever Come Of It

And I Don’t See Any Good Coming Anytime Soon.

Perhaps Later?

Perhaps.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-