In Regard To Life, Love, Loss, Happiness, Sadness…

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 06Feb13

“Life‘s A Funny Creature, Sometimes. She Has A Very VERY Bad Habit Of Jerking The Proverbial Rug From Under Us At The Oddest Moments. Just When You‘re Feeling Comfortable. Feeling Secure. Feeling Happy. BAAM! She Strikes. And She Never Strikes Lightly. No No. She Jerks The Rug AND Gives You BOTH Barrels ALL AT ONCE. Such Is Life, Eh?! Yeah. Such Is Life.”

–BRADLEY ALAN

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The Song Stuck In My Head??? “I Should Have Learned This Lesson Long Ago… …That Friends And Lovers Always Come And Go…” –QUARTERFLASH’s “FIND ANOTHER FOOL” (1981)

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 23Jan13

“FIND ANOTHER FOOL” Is A Hot HOT Jam From QUARTERFLASH‘s Self-Titled 1981 Debut Album !!!

*******

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“…Now You Claim…

…That Everything‘s Okay…

…Well, I‘ve Got Just One Thing To Say…

…Why Don‘t You…

…Find Another…

((Find Another!))

…FIND ANOTHER FOOL To Love You…

…Find Another…

((Find Another!))

…FIND ANOTHER FOOL To Love You…

…Find Another…

…FIND ANOTHER FOOL To Love You…

…Too Love You…

…Find Another. …”

\\\///

***

Alright, My Peeps…

…Let Me Quickly Say, I Don’t Just Listen To This Song…

“FIND ANOTHER FOOL“

by QUARTERFLASH

…When Someone Has Treated Me Foolishly And I Wanna Vent.

No.

I Also Listen To This Song When I’m Dwelling Upon MY Foolishness.

We’ve All Been Foolish In Matters Of Love At One Point Or Another.

Most Especially In Matters Of Love, Honestly.

In Fact…

…It’s In Matters Of Love Where I’ve Suffered Through Many MANY Bad Experiences In My 30′ish’ish Years.

**And, I’ve Done So ((ALMOST)) Totally Because Of MY Personal Foolishness.**

Then Again, Isn’t That Generally How It Goes?

Is That How It Always Goes For You?

How About You??

And You, There, In The Back???

Yes, And YOU, Also?!?!?

Yeah.

That’s Kinda What I’d Figured.

Our Favorite Game As Human-Being’s Is LOVE.

Always Has Been.

Some Will Quip, “It‘s Not A Game!”

To Those People, I Say “Good On Ya.”

I Also Say, “If You Don‘t Think It’s A Game, Then You‘ve Likely Been Hurt, Or Have Hurt Someone Else, While Playing And You Are/Were Pissed About It.”

To Be Honest, My Peeps, I Don’t Know What Else To Call LOVE.

It’s Always Felt Like A Game.

It Has Losers.

It Has Winners.

It Has First Time Players.

It Has Umpteenth Time Players.

It Has Unskilled Players.

It Has Highly Skilled Players.

It Has The Sheer Bliss Of A Solid Victory.

It Has The Horrid Dejection Of A Terrible Loss.

In Short…

…If It Ain’t A Game…

…What Is It?!?

That’s A Question I Sincerely Struggle With.

Honestly, As I Said, I Don’t Know What Else To Call It.

I Was Hoping To Get A Hand From Y’all, In That Regard.

That’s What We’re Here For, Correct?!

A Learning Experience.

I Know That’s A Big Reason I’m Here.

It’s Not The Only Reason, But It’s An Important One.

Fo Sho???

FO SHO!!!

LOVE, Whether A Thought OR A Feeling, Perpetuates Foolishness.

We Do So Many Foolish Things Whilst Playing Along.

We Do Things.

Things We Either WANT Or DON’T WANT To Do, All Because Of What We Feel, Or Think We Feel, For Someone, Or Something, Else.

Y’all Know I’m Not Slippin’ You Any Jive.

I’m Callin’ It Like It Is.

The Problem With This Wondrous, Beautiful, Vile, Evil, Amazing Thing We Call Love Is This:

“How Do We Know When We‘re Playing, And How Do We Know When We‘re Being Played???”

Yeah.

Exactly My Point, My Peeps.

Honestly, You Don’t Know.

You Don’t Know Until Something Eventful Happens.

“He Said YES!”

“He Said NO!”

“He Said MAYBE SO!”

Any Way It Goes, You Never Know Until Something Happens.

You Never Know Until The Proof Is There.

You Never Know Until It’s Tangible.

And, Even Then, Do You Really Know?

You Think You Do.

Is That Enough?

Sometimes, That Has To Be Enough.

Sometimes, That’s All We Really Have.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

My Advice?

You Kids Just Be Good.

Play Nice.

Try Not To Hurt Anyone, Especially Yourself.

Try Not To Do Anything Toooooooooo Foolish, Ya Hear Me?!?

Now, Go Get ‘Em, Tiger!!!

Good Game… …Good Game.

The Song Stuck In My Head??? “I Need To Be Cleansed… It’s Time To Make Amends… For All Of The Fun… The Damage Is Done…” –DEPECHE MODE’s “TO HAVE And TO HOLD” (1987)

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 20Jan13

“…I Feel Diseased…

…I’m Down On My Knees…

…I Need Forgiveness…

…Someone To Bear Witness…

…To The Goodness Within…

…Beneath The Sin…

…Although I May Flirt…

…With All Kinds Of Dirt…

…To The Point Of Disease…

…I Want Release…

…All This Decay…

…Take It Away…

…And Somewhere…

…There’s Someone Who Cares…

…With A Heart Of Gold…

…TO HAVE And TO HOLD.”

Music For The Masses (1987) (via Amazon.com)

“TO HAVE And TO HOLD” Is Off DEPECHE MODE‘s 1987 Album “MUSIC For The MASSES” !!!

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

*** ***

I Have Mentioned This Song…

“TO HAVE And TO HOLD“

by DEPECHE MODE

…Before, But I Honestly Didn’t Tell You WHY It’s Important To Me.

It’s Pretty Easy To See Why This Song Is Stuck In My Head.

Right???

Yes, It’s A Personal Favorite.

Yes, It’s (admittedly) NOT Everyone’s Cup’O'Tea.

It’s Slow.

It’s Quirky.

It’s Dark.

BUT…

…It’s Also Amazingly Beautiful…

…And Brilliant…

…And Simple…

…And Profound.

It’s A Song That Has Stayed Close To My Heart Seemingly Forever.

Since I Was A Teenager, Anyway.

I Know All The Words By Heart AND By Head.

During My Roughest Patches, This Song Was A Savior.

It ALWAYS Said What I Couldn’t.

I Listened To It Over AND Over.

I Did.

Hell, I Did Right Before I Decided To Write About It.

Yeah, I Can Be A “Moody Bitch”…

…And This Song Helps Carry Me Through All Of It.

It’s One Of Those Songs That Brings A Mental AND Emotional Change.

It Does.

It Carries Me, At Times.

And, I Always Come Out On The Other Side.

Usually Damaged.

But, Always Still Alive.

I’d Say That’s Good Enough.

This Song…

“TO HAVE And TO HOLD“

by DEPECHE MODE

…Has, At Times, Kept Me Alive.

It Expresses Itself Sooo Much.

So Much So, In Fact, It Takes Care Of A LOT Of MY Expressing.

It’s So Much Easier To Calm Down When You Have A Song That Feels So Deeply.

You Become Helpless In Its Grasp.

You Get Lost For A Moment.

Just Long Enough To Calm Your Ass Down, Ya Know?!

It Rarely Fails.

Don’t Worry, My Peeps, It’s VERY Safe To ENJOY The Song.

Just Be Careful Where You Sing It Out-Loud.

Other People Will Always Give You That Look As If You’ve Got Some Serious Problems.

Pfft.

What Do They Know, Anyway?!

How Important Is FORGIVENESS???

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 15Jan13

In Short…

…It Means The World At That Time.

The Point I Wish To Make With This Post Is That FORGIVENESS May Mean Life.

At Least, Now It Does.

I Was Forgiven For An Exceptional Injustice.

I Was Shocked.

I Was Amazed.

I Didn’t Feel I Deserved It…

…But I Got It.

To Be Forgiven By Another Is One Thing.

To Forgive One’s Self Is Totally Another.

He Forgave Me, Yet I Can’t Seem To Do The Same For Myself.

I Wish I Could Go Back.

I Wish I Could Stop What I Did Before It Ever Happened.

(((Side Note: I'd Cry, But I'm So Sick Right Now I Can Barely Write.)))

I Was So SO Foolish, And He Deserved Sooo Much More.

Much Better Than I Gave Him.

I Know The Eventual Outcome Wasn’t My Fault.

It Was A Moment Of Pure Stupidity On His Part.

But, That Doesn’t Change How I Feel.

I Wish It Did, But It Didn’t.

I’ve Been Sick, Since.

Since The Forgiveness.

It Just Doesn’t Feel Right.

I Wish He’d Ripped Me A New One.

I Wish He’d Dropped The Bomb On Me.

But, He Didn’t.

He Told Me I Shouldn’t Feel The Blame.

He Told Me That It Wasn’t My Fault.

That It’s Nothing I Should Ever Worry Myself About.

But, I Can’t Do That.

I Try Try TRY…

…But I Can’t Do It.

God How I Wish I Could.

I Think My Life Would Be A Lot Different Had I Sucked-It-Up And Carried-On.

But, I Didn’t.

I Let It Eat At Me.

I Let It Destroy Me.

I Let It…

…I Let it…

…I Let It.

Ya Know What, Screw This Post.

I Have So Much I Want To Say…

…Yet Know I’ll Never Be Able To.

So I’ll End This Here.

Just Know, My Peeps, That You Are Loved AND Cared About Deeply.

If I’ve Wronged You…

…I’m Sorry.

I Tend To Rub People The Wrong Way, Which Is Why I’m Apologizing.

I Can Only Hope That…

…With TIME And PATIENCE…

…I’ll Be Able To Get Beyond All Of This.

This Blog Post Is Evidence Of That.

I’m Trying To Move Beyond This, Kids.

Perhaps, One Day, I’ll Be Able To Do So.

Perhaps.

“So Denied. So I Lied. Are You The Now Or Never Kind? …” –EVE 6′s “HERE’S TO THE NIGHT” ((2000))

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 11Jan13

“…In A Day…

…And A Day, Love…

…I’m Gonna Be Gone For Good Again. …

…Are You Willing To Be Had? …

…Are You Cool With Just Tonight? …”

…

“…Here’s A Toast…

…To All Those…

…Who Hear Me All Too Well. …”

…

“…HERE’S TO THE NIGHT…

…We Felt Alive. …

…Here’s To The Tears…

…You Knew You’d Cry. …

…Here’s To Goodbye…

…Tomorrow’s Gonna Come Too Soon. …”

“HERE’S TO THE NIGHT“ Is The Ultimate Track From The 2000 Album “HORRORSCOPE” By The Band EVE 6 !!!

… … …

:: ::

\\//

This Song…

“HERE’S TO THE NIGHT“

by EVE 6

…Gained A Whole New Level Of Relevance With Me During The Latter Portion Of 2000, And Well Into 2001.

To ME, It Was An Anthem For The Always Coming And Always Going Military Person.

I’d Venture To Say Most Of Y’all Have Had A Friend Or Relative In The Armed Forces.

And, Because I Ventured There, I’m Also Venturing Y’all Understand The Process Of Taking “Shore Leave” Or “Liberty” As We Called It.

It’s Horrid.

You Come Home For A Couple Days…

…And Then You’re Gone For Months And Months.

You Come Home Again For Maybe A Week Or So…

…And Then Your Ass Is Out The Door For The Next Year.

For Those Of You Whom Have Never Had To Deal With This Situation, Trust Me, I Envy You.

Going Home On “Shore Leave” Was Almost Always The Best Part Of My Year.

Going Back To Wherever I Was Stationed At The Time Was Always The Biggest Downer.

I May Have Loved My Job In The Navy…

…But There Was Nothing I Hated More So Than Having To Up And Leave My Family And Friends.

I Never Got Used To Saying Goodbye.

Never.

But, You Suck-It-Up AND You Deal-With-It.

Period.

You Didn’t Have Any Other Options.

That’s Why I Was Drawn To This Song.

I Heard It.

I Listened To It Over And Over.

I Fell In Love With It.

It Was Just So Damned Relevant.

It Fit My Life Situation Perfectly, At That Time.

To This Day, I Have A Very Tender Place In My Heart For This Jam.

It Reminds Me Of An Exceptionally Crazy-Hard Period In My Life.

It Reminds Me Of BOTH The Good AND The Bad Of Said Crazy-Hard Period.

This Song Has Become Quite The Staple In My Life’s Journey.

That’s A Good Thing, Right?!

RIGHT!!!

Please Do Try To Enjoy Your Day, My Peeps.

I Shall Endeavor To Do The Same.

I Wish Us ALL Luck.

L8r L8r, My Tater-Tots.

My Tired Eyes: Or, How Bradley Learned To Continue Worrying And Became Rutger Hauer

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 27Dec12

Oh, These Winter Blues.

Oh, How They Really Do Love Me.

Well…

…It, Honestly, Feels More Like They Really Hate Me.

Like, Really REALLY Hate Me…

…A Lot.

As I Told A Friend The Other Night…

…I Looked At My Eyes And I Said…

“I Look Tired.”

Not “Sleepy”…

…But “Tired.”

There IS A Difference.

A Difference I’m Sure Y’all Would Be Able To Distinguish Between.

I Also Told Him That My Eyes Have Seen Enough To Be Worth Four (4) More Pairs Of Them.

I’ve Seen Things With These Eyes That Would Stagger Some People.

I’ve Seen Things I’ll Never Be Able To Forget, No Matter How Hard I Try.

Exceptional Things.

Terrible Things.

Happy Things.

Horrid Things.

Some Of Which I Can Discuss, These Days.

Most Of Which I Could Never Discuss, Regardless Of The Day.

…

… … …

[[[---Right Now, Honestly, I Feel Like RUTGER HAUER At The End Of "BLADE RUNNER" When He's On The Building's Rooftop With HARRISON FORD.

"I've Seen Things You People Wouldn't Believe..."

Ya Know It?!

The One RUTGER Eventually Closes Out By Saying:

"...All Those Moments Will Be Lost In Time, Like Tears In Rain. Time To Die."

EXCEPT, I'm Not Dying.

AND, I Don't I Have A Bird To Play With And Fondle.

AND, I'm Not A Replicant.

BUT, Otherwise, I'm Totally RUTGER HAUER.---]]]

… … …

…

But, They Are Tired, My Peeps.

They’re So SO Tired.

And, The More They See, The More They Experience, The More Tired They Make The Rest Of Me.

The Eyes Are Very Powerful.

Windows Into The Soul, And What-Not.

Winter Days, Like The Past Few, Really Do Bring Out My Mopey, Down-Trodden Self.

While My Very First Memory Is Of A Smell…

…Most Of My Memories Are Of That Which I’ve Witnessed.

Of Which I’ve Seen, Up-Close, In Person, Nothing Edited.

Wonders.

Horrors.

Yes, I’ve Seen AND Remember So Much In-Between…

…But, Like Most People, The Wonders AND The Horrors Stand-Out The Most.

I Remember So Much That Does Make Me Happy.

But, It All Blurs Much Easier AND Faster Than I Could’ve/Would’ve/Should’ve Expected.

It Blurs Much Easier AND Faster Than The Horrors.

The Horrors Don‘t Blur.

If Anything, They Shine More So.

They‘re More Vivid These Days Than They‘ve Ever Been.

I Close My Eyes, I See Them.

I Open My Eyes, I See Them.

Damn You, Eyes, Why Did You Ever Look?

Why Did You Ever See?

Why Did You Burn These Images Into My Mind?

They’re There Forever, Now.

To Be Recalled Over And Over Again.

Recalled For The Rest Of My Life, However Long Or Short It May Be.

Damn These Tired, Tired Eyes.

Have They Betrayed Me?

Have They Failed Me?

No.

If Anything, They’ve Worked Tooooo Well.

They’ve Picked-Up Details Most People Would Never Even Consider.

But, Damn Them Anyway.

Damn Them.

When I Sat Down To Write This, I Sincerely Didn’t Know To What End I Was Writing Toward, Nor For.

Maybe I Still Don’t.

It’s Not Finished.

At Least, It Doesn’t Feel Finished.

Not. At. All.

Not. At. All. At. All.

So…

…What‘s The Cure For Tired Eyes?

And No, I Don’t Mean Plastic Surgery On Them To Make Them Appear More Life-Like.

In Fact, I Know Of No Surgery That Could Ever Reverse The Damage.

Well…

…One Could Always Get Lobotomized.

Does Life Get Any Easier After A Difficult Admission?!?

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 23Dec12

In Short…

…Maybe?

It’s Very New To Me, So I’m Still Trying To Handle It.

I Risked A Lot, I Believe.

I Risked Losing One Of The Very Best People I Know, Simply Because I Found I Cared For Them Much More Than I’d Ever Expected To.

How Do You Tell Someone You Love That You Really Do Love Them, Knowing Ahead Of Time The Best Response You’re Bound To Receive Is “I Know“???

It’s Not Easy.

Not By Any Stretch Of The Imagination.

In Fact, At The Time, It Was Painful.

I Just Had A Feeling It Wasn’t Going To Go Over Well.

Honestly, I Expected It To Go Over Like A Turd In The Punch-Bowl.

Lucky For Me, The Person I’m Speaking Of Cared More About Our Friendship Than Even I Knew.

I Did Get The “I Know“ But I Also Got An “It’s Alright“ And An “I Understand“…

…Neither Of Which Was I Honestly Expecting.

I Just Knew I Was About To Lose Someone Very Important To Me Because I Cared About Them Way Too Much.

But, I Didn’t.

I Didn’t Lose Them.

In Fact, I Think Our Bond Will Be Even Stronger.

Now That They Know How I Feel, I Don’t Feel The Enormous Weight Pressing Upon Me.

I Don’t Feel The Desperation.

The Want, The Need, To Just Say Something.

I Had Made The Choice To Suffer In Silence For A Long Time Over This.

Perhaps That Part Was A Mistake?

Maybe?

But, Honestly, I Don’t Think So.

I Think The Suffering Part Actually Helped.

Once I Was Finally Able To Work-Up The Courage To Say Something…

…I Went For It.

I Said It.

And I Made Sure I Was Understood.

Now That We’re All Clear On It, I Feel So Much Better.

Well, Better Than I Have For A While.

A Long While.

I’ve Made So Many Mistakes Along The Way.

Mistakes I Can Never Take Back, Nor Ever Be Forgiven For.

I’ve Hurt Some Important People In My Life, While I Was Struggling With My Own Pain And Hurting.

I Suppose One Could Say I Was Projecting My Anguish Onto Others?

I Was Making Others Suffer As I Suffered.

And I Can’t Justify It.

Not. A. Bit. Of. It.

So Now, I’m Left Wondering What The Next Step Is?

Where Do I Go From Here?

In All Honesty, My Peeps, I Haven’t The Foggiest.

I Know Life Will Never Be Easy…

…But Perhaps Now It Will Be A Little Easier?

Maybe?

I’ll Take A “Maybe?” At This Point, Fo SHO!

“True Friendship Is Like Sound Health…”

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 21Dec12

“…The Value Of It Is Seldom Known Until It Be Lost.“

–CHARLES CALEB COLTON

<{1780-1832}>

<<WRITER>>

<<CLERGYMAN>>

<<GAMBLER>>

<<COLLECTOR>>

<<PHILOSOPHER>>

“…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.” –BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (from his “Brilliant Disguise” (1987))

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on 21Dec12

“BRILLIANT DISGUISE” (1987) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

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//\\

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Well, My Peeps…

…Bradley Was Taken-To-Task, Tonight.

**He Was Coldly (yet thoughtfully) Reminded He’s Not Making The Progress He Should Be On His “Non-Blog” Creative-Writing Endeavors.**

And Ya Know Something, Kiddies, He’s Very VERY Correct.

I’m Not Making The Progress I Should Be.

I’ve Let My Emotions Overload My Better Judgment…

…Again.

I’ve Spent Most Of My Time So Worried And Focused On Other Things I’ve Not Really Spent The Time I Should Be Spending On My More Pressing Projects.

In Short…

…I’ve Been SLACKING.

That’s The Only Way To Explain It.

I’ve. Been. SLACKING.

Period.

No One Will Ever Take Me Seriously Until I Have Something To Show For My Efforts.

Will They?

No.

Probably Not.

Until It’s A Reality, It’s Just A Dream.

Correct?

Correct.

So I’m Throwing Myself Into My Work, Again.

It Really Would Make Me Feel Like A Fraud If I Never Completed One Of These Stories.

I’ve Worked So Long, And So Hard On Them.

I Can’t Just Give-’Em-Up.

I Can’t Just Walk-Away.

I Can’t Just Quit.

I’ve Done That With Nearly Everything I’ve Ever Set-Out-To-Do In My Whole Life.

Talk About A Tough Pill To Swallow.

Ignoring It Has Been Easy.

Realizing It?

Facing It?

Those Have Both Just Sucked Some Major Asshole.

Dealing With It?

I Am.

I So Am.

I Feel Like I’ve Been Wearing Different Masks For A Long Time.

Different Disguises.

I Know That’s Why This Song…

“BRILLIANT DISGUISE“

by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

…Resonated With Me So Much, Tonight.

I’ve Been Hiding Because I Doubt Myself.

I Doubt Every Move I Make.

I Doubt Every Move I Don’t Make.

I Doubt Every Thought…

…Every Memory…

…Every Known-Fact…

…Every Unknown-Fact.

Doubt…Doubt…Doubt.

For A Man With A Memory As Acute As Mine…

…That’s A Helluva Lot Of Doubts.

I Used To Be So Sure.

Sure Of Every Action.

Sure Of Every Inaction.

Sure That What I Was Doing Was How I Should Be Doing It.

Sure Of This.

Sure Of That.

Sure…Sure…Sure.

I’m Not Sure When The Doubts Set In.

I Am Sure There Has To Have Been An Event.

There Has To Be A Trigger.

Like Anything Else…

…There Is Cause And Effect.

“A” Happens, And Thus “B” Happens.

That Might Be Oversimplifying It, But It Works.

It Does What I Need It To Do.

I Was A Man Who Was Sure Of Everything.

And Became A Man Who Is Sure Of Nothing.

Something Happened Along The Way.

Some Moment.

Some Event.

Some Trigger.

Am I Right About This?

I Am…Right???

This Final Line Of The Song Is What Really Got Me:

-”…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.“-

I May Not Be A Man Of Faith, But I Can Totally Identify With What’s Being Said.

I Was Sure Of What I Wanted.

I Was Sure Of How To Get It.

I Was Sure Of How It Was Going To Go Down.

I Was Sure Of Myself.

Then, I Stumbled.

Somewhere Along The Way, I Stumbled.

Time To Pull-Up The Ole Bootstraps And Carry-On, Eh?!

Eh, Indeed!!

I Know How To Write.

I Know I Know How To Write.

So Why The Hell Haven’t I Been Writing?

Like My Friend Told Me…

…My Blog IS A HOBBY.

It IS NOT A PROFESSION.

Somewhere Along The Way I Forgot That Little Fact, Also.

I Love My Blog.

I Have Fun With My Blog.

It Brings Me Joy.

But, In The End, It Really Is Just A Hobby…

…Isn’t It?

Accordingly, I Must Treat It As Such.

Something To Tinker With When The Real Work Has Ceased For The Day.

Right?!

RIGHT!!

Midnight Is Drawing Near.

I Suppose I’ve Said What Needed To Be Said.

I’m Grateful To My Friend For Having The Balls To Just Break-It-Down For Me Like That.

May 2013
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