I’m not altogether sure where this is going to go…
…I am sure it’s going to go somewhere.
So stick with me, please?
… … …
Have you ever been torn, My Peeps?
Okay, I do realize that can be taken sooooo many ways…
(((many of them dirty dirty)))
…so I’ll do my best to clarify.
Have you ever been torn by LOVE?
Knowing you want to be with someone, but knowing you really enjoy the person you’re with at that moment?
…it has happened to me.
It has happened multiple times, honest.
As far back as I could remember, I was generally with one person while already having wanted, and still wanting, to be with a certain someone else.
I get with someone because they’re very special to me, but all the while I have someone else on the front of my brain.
Someone else whom I already love/want/need/require.
Someone else whom I know I probably can never, and will never, truly call “MINE.”
And, no matter how wonderful things might become with the one person, you still yearn for the certain someone else.
Knowing/Hoping/Feeling/Thinking things WOULD be better if you were truly with the someone else.
It’s crazy, I know.
But, I also believe it to be human nature.
I mean, it is, right?
“The Grass Is Always Greener Somewhere F*ckin’ Else, And All That Jazz!”
That’s how that goes, riiiiiiight?
Until last night, I truly was torn.
Torn between the lover I once had, whom is now an exceptionally close friend…
…and the man I’ve loved for over a year, whom isn’t mine in any way except in the ways that should truly truly matter.
I’ve been torn, because I can’t spend all the time with the both of them that I’d really like.
And, honestly, it had become harder to juggle.
Last night, however, I had a long talk with the now friend (former lover).
We discussed so much, it was amazing.
He’s not the easiest to speak to at times when the conversation is of a personal nature such as this one was.
But, last night, he was jovial.
He was kind.
He was insightful.
He was respectful.
And he flat-out told me that he felt things would be better for ME if I really did spend more time with the someone else.
He’s not dismissing me.
We’re still going to see each other a lot.
But, now, I truly have the freedom to spend all the time with the someone else whenever I choose.
I won’t have to dance around and be pissy because I have to cancel on one to see the other.
My friend wishes me to explore things with the someone else, knowing now how I truly feel.
Thing is, all of this took place around MIDNIGHT.
And it didn’t end there.
My friend and I stayed up talking for hours and hours, and it was a truly grand experience.
We watched some “BATTLESTAR GALACTICA” and some “STAR TREK: TNG”…
…and then we watched “DARKMAN” on the Blu-ray.
By 3:30am, I was texting with the someone else.
And things couldn’t be better, at least in regard to all of the before mentioned.
We’re all cool.
So, for the first time in a long time, the tension I’ve felt has lifted.
I feel amazingly contented and relaxed.
Happy to know I didn’t lose a good friend.
Happy to know I didn’t lose the man I love.
Happy to know things are working out exactly as I had hoped, instead of how I had sadly expected.
Expectations can be a major High, or a major Low Low Low.
I was in the midst of a Low Low Low mindset toward my Expectations.
Instead, I was surprised with the elation of everything working out as I’d truly hoped hoped hoped they would.
I finally went to sleep around 5:30am…
…and was awake and writing this by 7:30am.
I know good moods aren’t forever.
They don’t last.
They can’t last.
Not really real ones.
But, for now, I’m into a really good mood mindset.
And I’m really hoping it’s able to perpetuate for a while.
That would be very nice.
I could use more good days.
This is the first time in a long long long time my not being able to sleep has led to something positive.
Insomnia almost always sucks ass.
Last night, it was an asset.
Go figure, eh?
Well, Ain’t It?
Sure It Is.
My Life Has Always Been Of The Odder(er) Sort.
I’m The Guy That Everything Just Happened To.
If Something Bad Was Possible, I Took The Brunt.
If Something Good Was Possible, Chances Are It Eventually Did Happen In Some Small Way.
If Something In-Between Was Possible, Chances Are I Got The Far-Far-Far-Worse Side Of It.
But, I’m Not Really In The Mood To Complain.
I’m More Of A Mind To Quickly Say “THANK YOU” To You, My Peeps.
I Have My Reasons For Saying “THANK YOU” To You, And I Know I’ll Be Talking About Them More And More As Time Rolls Onward.
But, For Now, For This Moment, I’m Just A Thankful Man.
A Lot Of People Have Tried, And Have Done Their Bestest(est) To Help Carry Me Through These Past Few Years.
As Of Late Monday Afternoon, I Was Informed That A Longstanding Battle I’ve Been Fighting Has Finally Been Resolved.
It Has Been Resolved In MY Favor.
My Life Of Hell And Bullshit And Sickness And Poor-Health And More And More Sickness, And Pain, And Suffering, And Blah Blah Blah, And Yakity Schmakity, Has Finally Paid-Off.
At Least, In Regard To This ONE Little Victory.
However, It Makes Me Feel Best Because FINALLY Someone Took Notice That Was In A Position To Do Something About It.
And, They Sided In My Favor.
I Feel An Enormous Sense Of Relief.
The 18,000lbs Elephant, With The 800lbs Gorilla Riding Said Elephant, Feel Lifted From Me.
Now I Just Need To Get This Pesky Monkey Off My Damned Back…
…And Perhaps This Chip Off Of My Shoulder…
…Oh, And The Thorn In My Side…
But, Yes, “THANK YOU” Again, Everyone.
Now, Maybe Life Really Can Start Again.
Or, Hopefully, Continue Just Improving And Improving, Bit By Bit.
That Would Be Most Acceptable.
“…But, I Can’t Help…
…Falling In Love With You…”
“…Shall I Stay?…
…Would It Be A Sin?…
…If I Can’t Help…
…Falling In Love With You?…”
“…Like A River Flows…
…Surely To The Sea…
…Darling, So It Goes…
…Some Things Are Meant To Be…”
“…Take My Hand…
…Take My Whole Life, Too…
…For I Can’t Help…
…Falling In Love With You. …”
So, Yeah, I’ve Been On A Bit Of An ELVIS Kick, Recently.
I Mean, Can You Really Blame Me?
The Man Was A Master Of His Craft, Fo SHO.
His Music Never Fails To Make Me Smile…
…And, Sometimes, That’s Really All I’m Looking For In Some Quality Tunage.
This Particular Song…
…Is A Prime-Cut-Example Of Said Quality Tunage.
This Was Actually One Of The Very First ELVIS Songs I’d Ever Heard, And It Has Continued To Be A Personal Favorite Since Early Childhood.
To My Friends, I Was Always A Bit Weird In This Regard.
While They Were Busy Listening To The Jams Of The Day…
…The Current Top 40, And So On…
…I Was Busy Listening To The Songs Of My Parent’s Youth.
While Most Rebelled And Shied Away From Their Parents Music…
…I Embraced It.
This Song Has Been Stuck In My Head For A Little While Now…
…And Y’all Know How I Operate.
When Something Is Locked Into My Brain, I Have But One True Outlet:
I Blog About It.
I Honestly Don’t Have A Ton To Say About This Little Number…
…Aside From How Brilliantly Beautiful It Truly Is.
It’s A Song That Sincerely Will Stick With You, As It Has With Me My Entire Life.
It Is, By Far, One Of The Most Wonderfully Simple Songs Ever To Spring Forth From The World That Is ELVIS PRESLEY…
…And It Is A Song I’m Very Happy To Share With Y’all, This Morning.
I Hope You Do Enjoy It, My Peeps.
Perhaps You Won’t Love It As Much As I Do…
…But, It’s Very Hard To Scoff At.
A True-Blue-Classic If Ever There Was One.
Take Care, And Be Good, My Peeps.
Much Love To You All.
I’m Sure We’ll Have Much More To Discuss As The Year Rolls On…
…But, I Just Had To Share This One With You.
ENJOY, My Peeps, ENJOY!!!
“We Crossed The Line…
…Who Pushed Who Over?
It Doesn‘t Matter To You…
…It Matters To Me.
We‘re Cut Adrift…
…We‘re Still Floating.
I‘m Only Hangin‘ On…
…To Watch You Go Down…
I Disappeared In You…
…You Disappeared From Me.
I Gave You Everything You Ever Wanted…
…It Wasn‘t What You Wanted.
The Men Who Love You…
…You Hate The Most.
They Pass Right Through You…
…Like A Ghost.
They Look For You…
…But Your Spirit‘s In The Air.
Baby, You‘re Nowhere.
Oh Ooo Oh…
…Love, You Say In Love Their Are No Rules.
Oh Ooo Oh…
…Sweetheart, You‘re SO CRUEL. …”
Alright, My Peeps, I Totally Admit I’ve Never Been The Biggest Fan Of Cover-Songs.
Occasionally, However, One Will Pop-Up.
Those Rare Few Are Generally Versions I End-Up Enjoying Much More Than The Original.
It, Honestly, Doesn’t Happen Often At All.
But, In Regard To This Particular Song…
…I Prefer This Version 10-Fold Over The Original.
Perhaps My Love Of All Things DEPECHE MODE Has Clouded My Judgment?
I Don’t Think So.
As I’ve Said…
…This Has Been The Summer Of “Life-Support” For “You Jivin’ Me, Turkey?”…
…And That Is Now Coming To An End.
It Has Been A Wonderful/Horrid Summer…
…Loaded With Tons Of UPS And DOWNS.
I Haven’t Been Working Very Much On The Blog, Aside Of Putting Pen-To-Paper And Writing-Out Some Ideas For Things To Work On.
And Now, As Of This Morning, I Feel Like I’m Ready To Start Getting Back Into The Swing Of Things.
I Hope The Summer Months Have Treated Y’all Very Well, My Peeps.
And, I Sincerely Hope You’re Ready For Me To Get Back To Work.
I May Be A Tad Rusty…
…But I’m Sure I’ll Be Able To Manage Just Fine.
No Worries, Kiddies.
A Truly UNIQUE Flick…
…And A Truly FORGOTTEN CLASSIC.
I Can TOTALLY RECOMMEND It To ANYONE…
…Who’s A Fan Of SCI-FI, HORROR, DRAMA, THRILLER Films.
…JOHN FRANKENHEIMER In The Director’s Chair…
…And ROCK HUDSON Giving Us His BEST PERFORMANCE EVER!!!
CHECK IT OUT, My Peeps, Fo SHO!!!
…And Tonight It Has Really Snowballed Into A Very Deep Depression.
I Know Most Say You Shouldn’t Write For Publication At Times Like These, But, In This Case, It Can’t Be Helped.
It’s Not Your Usual Depression About Your Usual Mundane Bullshit.
Not This Time, Anyway.
For Those Of You Whom Have Read Me For The Past (almost) Two Years, You Know That, While I Do Acquaint Myself With Other People On Occasion, I Generally Spend Most Of My Time Alone.
I Live In My Head, And Am Generally Not The Best Of Company.
I Tend To Be Really Quiet,,, ,,,Except When I Laugh.
I Get My Money’s Worth When I Do Bellow Out A Jolly One.
Aside From My Eyes, My Best Feature May Actually Be That Laugh.
I Even Snort… …On Occasion.
That Generally Means I’ve Laughed Too Hard.
Sadly, Aside From The Time I Spend With Someone Very Special To Me, I Tend To Not Laugh At All.
I Giggle A Bit… …But It’s Internal.
Outwardly, I’m A Tad Cold.
The Problem Is…
...As It Always Is In My World...
…Knowing Some Of Those I Love Most, Are Those Whom Don’t Really Share The Feeling.
I Constantly Get The Feeling Other People Lie And Say They Enjoy My Company, But It’s Only Because They Truly (deep down) Feel Sorry For Me.
Seeing Me Makes Them Realize How Grand Their Life Has The Potential To Be, And Might Already Be.
I’ve Failed At Every Venture I’ve Ever Undertaken.
Every. Single. One.
…I Did Win A “First Place Superior” In The 6th Grade Science Fair.
But, They Gave Out Like 10 Of Those.
So, Honestly, It Never Felt Like A True Victory.
Anyway, Sorry, I’m Drifting.
The Point Is…
…I’ve Been The Saddest Boy In The World For The Past 48-Hours, And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.
My Thoughts And Feelings Have Been Running Rampant, And They’re Literally Driving Me (even more-so) Crazy!
Can I Pinpoint The Biggest Issue?
Can I Do Anything Whatsoever To Correct Said Biggest Issue?
Not. At. All.
I Know They Say You Shouldn’t Worry About What You Can’t Control, But Piss On Them.
They Just Don’t Get It, Or Are Lying To You AND Themselves.
I Can’t Control How I Feel…
…Yet It Constantly Worries The Everlasting Shit Out Of Me.
You Want A Little Detail?
I Have TWO (2) Best Friends…
…One Straight, One Gay.
The Straight One I’ve Known Since The Age Of 2yo, And We’ve Been Best Friends Since The Age Of 10yo.
The Gay One I’ve Known For Three Years…
…And I’ve Been In Love With Him For The Past Two.
That’s What Has Me So Depressed, Kiddies.
The Fact That I Can’t Get Myself Over Those Extra Feelings.
Loving Someone Is Important, Especially Someone You Call Your BFF.
But, Being IN-LOVE With Said BFF???
O M F G
I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin On How That Feels.
For The Most Part, It’s A Mix Of Extreme Joy AND Extreme Pain.
I’ve Loved Before, Sure.
I’ve Loved Many People In My 30+Years On Earth.
But, Never Like This.
Never This Strongly.
And, Yes, I Already Know It Has Very Little Chance To Become More Than What It Already Is…
…More Than What We Already Are.
Yet, I Don‘t Waiver.
I Don‘t Stop Feeling As I Do.
I Don‘t Stop Wanting As I Do.
Needing As I Do.
It‘s Killing Me.
It‘s Crushing What Spirit I May Have.
Yet, I Don‘t Waiver.
…You Tell Me, My Peeps…
…Am I A Fool, Or Just Being Foolish?
There IS A Difference, You Know… …Riiiiiiiiigh???
My Curiosity Abounds, Kiddies.
Honestly And Truly It Does!
“Well We Know Where We’re Goin’…
…But We Don’t Know…
…Where We’ve Been…
…And We Know What We’re Knowin’…
…But We Can’t Say…
…What We’ve Seen…
…And We’re Not Little Children…
…And We Know…
…What We Want…
…And The Future Is Certain…
…Give Us Time To…
…Work It Out. ..“
“…We’re On A Road To Nowhere…
…Come On Inside…
…Takin’ That Ride To Nowhere…
…We’ll Take That Ride…
…I’m Feelin’ Okay This Morning…
…And You Know…
…We’re On A Road To Paradise…
…Here We Go…
…Here We Go…“
I Awoke This Morning In The Mood For Some Quality Jams From…
…My OTHER Favorite Band Of All-Time!!!
If You Thought People Gave Me Odd Looks For Loving DEPECHE MODE…
…Then You Should Have Seen/Heard Them When I’d Pop On My TALKING HEADS Tunes.
I Learned Very VERY Quickly That Most Peeps My Age Simply Didn’t Dig Their Music At All.
And Ya Know What, Kiddies…
…That’s Perfectly Fine With Me.
I’ve ALWAYS Preferred To Look At It In The Lighter-Vein Of…
"Those Fools Don't Know What They're Missin', Fo Flippin' SHO!"
What Do You Think?
Am I Out-Of-Line?
Or, Are We On The Same Page?
I’m Promise I’m Hoping For The Latter!
…I LOVE Me Some TALKING HEADS…
…And While There Are Many MANY Jams Of Theirs I Truly LOVE And ENJOY…
“ROAD TO NOWHERE“
…Off Of The Album…
…Just Stood-Out To Me, Today.
Most Folks Who Happen To Be TALKING HEADS Fans Seem To Feel Their Music Really Started Going Downhill Following The Huge Success Of The Live Concert Album…
“STOP MAKING SENSE“
…And, To An Extent, They’re Correct.
Most Of Their Greatest Jams DID Come-Out Before That Album.
…That Doesn’t Mean Everything That Followed It Was A Pure Crap, Ya Know?!
And If We’re Discussing The BEST They Had To Offer AFTER That Album…
“ROAD TO NOWHERE“
…Would Rank At The Very VERY Tippy-Tip-Top, Fo SHO Fo SHO!!!
It’s A Jam That Takes Me Back To My Childhood…
…And Does So Without Much Effort.
“ROAD TO NOWHERE“
…Was The Very First Song By TALKING HEADS I Had The Pleasure Of Hearing OTHER THAN The Tracks Off Of The “STOP MAKING SENSE” Album.
It Quickly Became A Personal Favorite…
…And It Remains So To This Very Day.
I Remember It Even More-So Because Of It’s Wonderfully ODD/CRAZY Music Video.
---> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWtCittJyr0) <---
((That’s A Link To The Video On The Ole YouTube If You’re In The Mood For It.))