I Was “James Bond”, Once… …Once.

ALRIGHT, Let’s Begin.

So, I Found This Photo Over The Weekend, And I’ve Been Trying To Think About How To Explain It, It’s Significance, And The Significance Of The Cache Of Original Material I Found Along With It.

In Case You Can’t Tell…

…’Cause Most Of Y’all Can’t…

…I’m The Snappy-Dresser On The Left.

Go Ahead.

Look Again.

Now…

…Don’t I Look Like “JAMES BOND”?!?

GREAT!!!

Because That’s Exactly Who I Was Supposed To Be At The Time This Photo Was Taken.

This Was The Promotional Photo For The 1996/1997 High School Parody Film, Made For A Class Project.

The Name Of The Flick Was…

And NO I’m NOT Lying

4 “DICKS” AND A CHICK

:D

YES, My Peeps…

…I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE That Was The OFFICIAL Title.

Seriously.

That’s The Really REAL Name.

We Got Away With Calling It That Because We Were A Band Of Four (4) PRIVATE DETECTIVES.

And…

…Since The Nickname For A PRIVATE DETECTIVE Is “PRIVATE DICK”…

…Well…

…That Was Considered Acceptable.

So…

…I Mean, Come On…

…Who Among You Wouldn’t Call At Movie By A Name Like That If You KNEW It Was Going To Be Acceptable?!?!?

Remember…

…You’re 17-Years-Old.

EXACTLY, My Peeps!!!

Damn Near ALL OF YOU Would Have Totally Gone For It.

And We Were No Different.

The “4 DICKS”  Were PARODIES Of…

JAMES BOND

COLUMBO

THE HIGHLANDER

ELIOT NESS

…And The CHICK Was…

BETTY CROCKER

(Codename: “HOOVA“)

:D     :D     :D

I’m Totally Not Making This Shit Up, My Peeps.

This Was Our Class Movie.

Doesn’t It Just Figure I Was An “A/V” Geek, Also?!

SURE IT DOES!!

O.M.F.G.

Just Remembering All Of This Is Making Me Laugh, And Laugh HARD.

The Plot Went Something Like…

…We Were Hired To Steal “Colonel Sanders” Famous Chicken Recipe For “Hardee’s”

…Or Some Such Nonsense…

…And Our Contact On The Inside Was “The Colonel’s Former Mistress” Whom Just So Happened To Be…

…Yep…

BETTY CROCKER

…Though We Didn’t Know It Was “BETTY” At The Time.

We Were Using Her Codename, “HOOVA“!!!

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! !!! !!!)

Sheesh.

Yeah.

We Were So SO AWESOME…

…NOT!

;)

:D       :D

Well…

…We Thought We Were At The Time.

So That’s Good Enough To Justify Our Actions.

At Least…

…I Think It Does.

Maybe?!

ANYWAY…

…Regardless Of All The Nonsense And Whatnot…

…This Class Was Where I Developed My Already Budding “A/V” Skills That Helped Me Get Into The Idea Of Becoming A JOURNALIST For The NAVY.

I Already Knew I Was Going To Go Into The NAVY.

That Plan Was Fixed.

Set.

Nothing Was Going To Change My Mind.

And Nothing Did Change My Mind.

The Only Change Was The Job I’d Be Doing.

I Was Actually Considering A Few Possibilities Before Finding-Out About The “JO” Rate In The NAVY.

“JO” Being The NAVY’S Abbreviated Term For A JOURNALIST.

BAAM!!!

That’s All She Wrote.

I Knew What I Wanted To Do.

Period.

And By Gum I Did It, Too.

And I Owe A Bundle Of The Skilled-Knowledge I Went Into The Journalism Program With To THIS CLASS.

I Took The Class Twice, Actually.

As A Junior AND As A Senior.

They Had A Special Stipulation For The Class That Allowed Me To Take It The Second Time.

And I Loved It.

Absolutely Loved It.

That’s One Of The Few Things I Loved About That High School…

…The “A/V” Program.

The Rest Is History.

:)     :D     :)

So…

…Quickly About My Cache Of Material, Found Along With The Silly-Ass Photo Above.

I Found My Personal Mother-Load!!!

Scenes I’d Written.

Plot Outlines.

Character Ideas.

Titles.

You Name It, I Found It.

And It’s All MINE!!!

(MMMUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

MINE MINE MINE!!!

So…

…As Time Goes On…

…Be Expecting Me To Toss Some Of That Original Material On You.

I Have Everything From…

…Horror Scenes…

…To A 1920s/1930s Radio Serial Show Outline.

From A Disaster Epic…

…To En Erotic Love-Story/Murder-Mystery.

It’s All Here, Kids.

Well…

…Not All Of It.

I Have More…

…Somewhere…

…Someplace…

…But I’ll Find It.

So BE READY, My Peeps!!!

This Could Get Really REALLY INTERESTING!!!

At Least, I Sure As Shit HOPE IT DOES!!!

;)       ;)

I’ll Be In-Touch, My Peeps.

HOLLA AT Y’ALL L8R!!!

PEACE!!!

:D       :D       :D       :D       :D

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20 responses to “I Was “James Bond”, Once… …Once.

  1. I was also in an A/V club in high school.

    That movie you made reminds me of a film I made with my friends back when we were in middle school. It was about a bunch of superheroes fighting each other. Our movie was terrible but I loved making it. Nice post.

    • Our Movie Was So Terrible It Was Hilarious!
      And The Best Part, Honestly, Was The Making Of It.
      So I’m Very Sure You And I Are On The Same Page.
      And Thanks, Dude, I Totally Appreciate It :)
      -B.

    • Teehehe Glad You Enjoyed It, Ms. Charron!
      And Yes, I Can’t Wait To Get Cracking On Some Of The Ideas I’m Churning About In Ye Ole Brain-Case.
      We Shall See If I Can Make Them Really WORK! :D
      -B.

  2. This is replete with awesomeness. You make a dashing James Bond (back before they realized that a blond person would make the BEST Bond) fo sho.

    You know how I know this picture is old? You’re using guns (albeit fake) for a school project. Today, that would mean five expulsions and at least one firing.

    Great picture!

    • I Simply KNEW You’d Love This One, Brosephus!
      And YES.
      The Guns AND The Title Of The Flick Would Have Gotten The Teacher Fired In Today’s World.
      But In 1997, It Was Still Okie The Dokie!!!
      THANK JEEBUS!!! hahahahahaha
      -B.

    • And I Was Actually In The Act Of Dashing When I Sprained My Ankle Like A Bitch-Bastard While Shooting One Of The Action Scenes In The Film.
      I’m Sure The Local Town-Folk Got A Major Kick Out Of Watching Us Run Around…
      …Shooting At Each-Other With Cap-Guns…
      …And Me, Limping About Because I’m Accident-Prone. hahahaha
      Sheesh. ;)
      -B.

    • Thank You, Ms. Carolyn! And No Worries, I Still Am. ;) I’ve Still Not Yet Had Anyone Who Says I Look My Age.
      So That’s Something, I Suppose. ;)
      Not Sure How Long That’ll Last, So I Suppose I Should Be Grateful, Fo SHO hahahahahaha
      Oh, And It Wasn’t A Play. It Was A Major (amateur) Motion Picture (shot totally on professional-grade VHS recorders) hahahahaha
      But You Would Have Liked It, I’d Hope. And It Was So Terrible It Was Wonderfully Hilarious! ;)
      -B.

    • Thank You, Ms. Whitelady ;) hehehe I Think That’s The First Time Anyone, Ever, Has Called Me “Debonair” That I Can Recall. So I’m Taking It Hugely As A Compliment! hehehe
      As It Should Be, Of Course ;) hahaha
      -B.

  3. I cannot WAIT to see this stuff!!! And love that you were able to make that film in high school – we only had a senior play – I grew up doing church plays, lol.

    • My Pen And Paper Party Has Been Crazy, To Say The Least.
      Some Stuff I’m Finding Is Just So Damned Personal.
      Hard To Work With Some Of It Because I Feel Bad If I’m Forced To Change Something That’s Really Good, Even If It’s Personal. My Mind Is In A Bit Of A Frenzy. Trying To Calm Down Now With A Dr. Pepper And Some Kind Of Pumpkin/Angel-Food-Cake Concoction That’s Amazingly Tasty! hahaha
      I Need A Nap. ;)
      -B.

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